What happened to this: meet a man, get to know him (date), let him propose, then marriage, enjoy it and down the line have some kids. Nowadays this concept has become foreign to many women for they are opting to start at the corner of the road with the aim of getting to the predestined destination whereby the law recognizes her but woe unto her, for it rarely happens. We are no longer viewing dating as a process but instead we are taking it as the conclusion. We are willing to move in with a man yet he hasn’t shown any signs of commitment and by signs I mean, engaging you in preparation for marriage. I have been watching several reality shows such as WAGS whereby this women choose to move in with this men even before they have been given the title fiancé, go ahead to sire heirs for them then after several months/years they start to demand for a ring plus marriage. It actually never ends well for this men go ahead to claim marriage is just a piece of paper. (Is it?) This reply leaves so many women bitter while some give ultimatums and the famous statements comes into play, “after all that I have done for you. I have supported you, sired kids for you, and been with you when you had nothing, taken care of you yet you are now making me seem like a fool.”
I understand where this women are coming from for they perform this duties in the hope that the man will select them and this is where women go wrong. We forget that we are the ones who have power because after all who is pursuing who? We are the prize and not this men yet we are here giving them everything when there isn’t a label on it. Why are we giving this men more than they have bargained for? Busy cooking for them, doing laundry, siring kids and almost breaking our backs trying to prove that we are wife materials. According to my favourite author Joan Thatiah, Any man who makes demands that you should prove you can make a good wife should be thrown out of the window. A steady dating relationship should be enough to show a man the kind of women you are.
Nowadays this men are not even asking us because we have become too available and they already know what they want they can get it without any struggle. That is why I get some men talking of how they’d want to settle with me and spoil me (laughs) yet when I talk of how I want legal assurance they end up labelling me insane. I don’t know about other women but I don’t think I would live with a man who has not at least done the traditional ceremony for me if not the white one. I wouldn’t imagine myself waking up early in the morning to make breakfast, do laundry or even go ahead to have kids yet he has not put a label on what we have. I can’t, it’s even getting on my nerves. I can’t break my back.
I know this is arguable for there are some men who married the women whom they had cohabitated with and even sired kids. They were lucky but if anyone chooses to take that route, don’t be surprised when he downplays it and goes ahead to ask, what the point of marriage is. Back in campus I saw most of my friends live with men but most of those relationships are nonexistent. Men are out here looking for their best interests and don’t care about anyone else and if they find anyone who is willing to play wife, they will take them in and once they are satisfied they disappear. Don’t give out precious young years doing roles that are meant for wives. As a girlfriend all you should be doing is having fun, going on dates, planning for the future, working hard and the rest of the good things not being bombarded with wifely duties. Let no man receive any privileges if you are not EXCLUSIVE.
Young ladies should stop performing the role of a wife because some of this men get comfortable and therefore lack the enthusiasm towards marriage. If you are bedding him, feeding him, cleaning up after him and raising his babies, what will be his motivation to put a ring on it?. Most of this men expect wife treatment when dating while looking out for something better and when they find it, they chuck. They go for women with high standards and who have accorded themselves value.
It’s high time for us as women to have standards and know that we have the power to set the bar as to how we want to be treated. Life has so many sufferings but too often we are suffering unnecessarily because of our ignorance.
Do not play wife to a man who has not married you. Do not move in with him. It doesn’t matter what he promised, wait for a commitment. If your man wants a wife then he will ask for your father for your hand in marriage, he will engage you and he will marry you. On the flip side, stop demanding husband favours from boyfriend’s. _Joan Thatiah from the book: Things I will tell my daughter.
This are my thoughts and no one should subscribe to them but if you do, we are friends.
*Boy meets girl *Boy and girl assess one another’s mate value from perspectives based upon their different reproductive agendas/capacities • He looks for signs of youth, fertility, health, absence of previous sexual experience and likelihood of future sexual fidelity. In other words his assessment is skewed toward finding a fertile, healthy young mate with many childbearing years ahead and no current children to drain resources.
• She looks for signs of wealth (or at least prospects of future wealth), social status, physical health and likelihood that he will stick around to protect and provide for their children. Her guy must be willing and able to provide materially for her (especially during breast feeding and pregnancy) and their children. (My emphasis is here). There is this book that I have been reading and according to research that they have done over several decades on matters revolving around human sexuality and above is a standard narrative of what takes place. As the writer states, we all have preferences as to what we look for in a future spouse and above is an illustration.
Recently there has been an uproar in the social media platforms because of women voicing and proving in action that they prefer being in relationships with men of a higher social status. This women have been bashed, trashed and called sorts of names such as ‘gold-digger’, ‘mannerless’ all because of having a preference which everyone is entitled to and has a freedom to seek after it. I think it’s time it stops being news when a woman opts to go for a wealthy man instead of a financially crippled man. If that is what makes her happy then let her do it.
Women have been peddled on the lie that a woman is honorable if she opts to settle with a struggling man and grow with him till he gets to the financial peak. A lie has been sold that REAL LOVE is one that starts from the bottom where the man has no penny, then the woman sets in to support him, becomes his ride/ die in his financial crisis and be patient till he becomes a KING aka wealthy. I have seen women opt to build with a man from nothing only for him to get to a certain level financially then rub it on the woman’s face that he now got options and infidelity sets in. I have met men who keep on singing that they are looking for a woman who they will begin with from scratch (the entitlement makes me cringe) yet they have nothing going on in their lives but expect you to tag along. Women should stop dealing with men like this sincerely and should do the USAIN BOLT run if you come across one who makes such statements. Starting from five feet deep with a man to get to the ground and above, it’s no guarantee that he will never leave you (yet you were wasting your youthful years trying to build him) or that your marriage will be a happily ever after.
STRUGGLE LOVE AIN’T FOR EVERYONE. There is nothing wrong with a woman who chooses not to ‘struggle’ with someone.
I came across this quote and I will embark on a journey of doing research, “if you take a man at his worst, you’re going to get the worst from him in the end.” Anyone who has watched ‘Acrimony’? I refuse to build UP with a person only for them to match with someone else. It’s not your duty to grow a man, go plant a tree sis then grow with it.
If having a man with a stable income is one of the qualities you want, please express your preference with no shame just like the way this men prefer ladies with a specific skin complexion (iykyk), a certain body shape and whether she is wife material yet do not feel ashamed announcing it. To the ladies bashing fellow ladies, if you don’t care about a man financial ability instead prefer to build with him, that is also good and that’s your choice, so I don’t understand why you are bitter and full of anger.
There are myths that go around and people assume that just because a woman chooses to go after an established man financially, she is incapable of making money herself plus she is lazy and has nothing going on in her life which is indeed very false. Some of this women are doing very well in the career, business world but they want to feel that they are being looked out after. There are also women who are looking for a financially established gentleman because they are looking out for their future plus that of their kids and there is nothing wrong with that. There is also another myth that this women who go for established men in their relationships are loveless which is very false. I think this is where love overflows.
If having a man who is financially stable is in your checklist be proud of it and know that there is no shame in wanting a man who will always show up for you financially. But always remember to work hard in whatever you are doing and ensure you have flow of money in case you want marriage plus bringing something of use to the table because high value attracts high value. High value doesn’t rub well low value.
There isn’t a week that goes by without coming across cheating scandals in all the social media platforms and it has already been normalized so it no longer gets us by surprise or even leave our mouths hanging in the air. We are in the period where “mtaachana tu” (you’ll eventually part ways) is a fashionable slogan especially after this couples whom we term as “goals” end up going separate ways driving that point home. Cheating has become a common denominator in the end of so many love stories and I think it’s the death that is always being referred to when stating the vows. “Till death (cheating) do us part?” To most women it still remains death because despite being cheated on, they still opt to stay while most men pack their bags and leave. After this scandals surface the media and get talked about for an entire week, we find that afterwards the woman is still posting pictures trying to prove that things are okay and the only thing that can come in between them is death and not some thirsty ”shawties”.
Studies have been done that indicate men are more likely to cheat in relationships than women but also women are nowadays engaging in sex outside their relationships than previously thought. Women also cheat nowadays just as men do but unlike men they are less likely to be caught in the act but we must admit it is so common in men. Most of this scandals a high percentage are men cheating on their wives plus girlfriends and nowadays they don’t care hide it anymore because it has become culturally acceptable.
As I have said above it has been normalized for you can’t scroll through the comment sections in this media platforms without coming across this punch lines. “Men cheat, accept it.” “Men will always be men, it’s a man’s nature to cheat for they are polygamous by nature”. “If you still think your man is a one woman man, then you are a fool.” “You will have to share your man whether you like it or not.” “If the queen herself Beyoncé was cheated on, who are you not to?” “Men are expected to cheat so deal with it.” When a man cheats it’s not a big deal but when a woman does, its thunder.
I totally disagree with this assumptions for it does not speak for all men and I think that it is possible to be in a non-cheating relationship (Did I say that) and we should stop holding men in a low standard and selling nonsense to the women out there, that all men cheat which it totally unfair. It is possible but it might take time to meet such a breed.
One of the questions that I have been asking myself, why would anyone choose to go back to a man who totally disrespected them in front of the whole world? The humiliation becomes so deep for you to remain unseen and you are baptized a new name “the lady who was cheated on” yet you choose to remain with this scumbag. According to research, once a man decides to have a sexual escapade, it becomes difficult to break the cycle and that is why a cheater once will always be a cheater. I am not in any position to have an opinion for I do not know what goes in through the mind of a woman for her to choose to stay despite the fact that it’s clear she is not valued. (People who have never been to the kitchen to watch over boiling water busy having an opinion over what this women should do. I AM PEOPLE). Let’s proceed, never let a man show you more than once, who he is. Cheating is a decision we all make. We are justifying and also enabling their behavior that we make it seem its right its okay for them to disrespect us when we take them back. I am that woman who will jump of the ship because I choose to have my peace of mind first.
Well, some choose to stay for financial stability, some for the kids while some believe they can actually work and it can become a memory of the past which is still okay and the last breed stays in order to plan carefully about their exit. Coming from many women who’ve been in this situation, they’ve disclosed that the relationship never goes back to the way it used to be and they end up leaving. Why choose to stay and put your mental well-being last. No words can describe the sadness that engulfs me whenever I come across this comments that brainwash a woman should stay in a loveless relationship where she is being disrespected because a man is expected to cheat.
The only way you are not going to get cheated on again is when you are not with him. It’s only a woman who does not value or appreciate herself who will stay with a cheater. It’s time we stop telling the daughters of Eve that there is a chance to work things yet the man has already shown them that they don’t want them. What other sign do you need? Spare yourself more heartache. It’s time to tell a woman to pack her bags and leave even though she doesn’t, even though it will be painful, she has to put herself first. Cheating is not a mistake, it’s a choice and some cheaters keep making the same choices.
I know being cheated on is not something that any woman in love tends to wish for and most of the time, no woman sees it coming but if he does it, that enough to let you know, he is not into you anymore.
I refuse to accept that men are wired to cheat. Faithfulness is a requirement in a relationship and if you are unwilling to uphold it, then you should not be in a relationship anyway. Leave as early as you can for infidelity had numerous negative repercussions. May the spirit of faithfulness guard us all!
We see faults, gaps, red flags but we stay- for what! Love? What happened to the phrase, Love does not hurt. Why do women stay? Would you stay?
A man would not tolerate a cheating partner. My friend Manga, has just told me that, right now 😀. Hello ✋
While body modification was frowned at and done in private, it is now desirable and flaunted publicly. Recently I have been following the DR.90210 series religiously in awe, seeing how the doctors are able to transform the physique and alter it towards the liking of the client within hours. Who would have thought that that would have been possible?You can walk into a clinic and walk out with your desired body without having to fast or spend hours at the gym huffing and puffing sounds.
Realization hits me of how gone are the days when one would be given the pep talk on accepting and loving their bodies just as they are for today’s mantra is, if you do not like it, hide it or for crying out get a replacement. Most of the clients tend to be women and they come in with an explanation of what body part they would want altered and fixed plus their expected outcome from the plastic surgery. The reason behind it, is that they do not feel comfortable or beautiful in their own skin and they believe that surgery is their last resort to achieving that. We are also living in a society whereby women seem to be valued for their physical appearance whereas men are praised for their intelligence so I do not blame them for choosing this way.
If you do not like the shape of nose fix it, if you have a protruding belly get a tummy tuck with abs, If your boobs are small and you don’t like them, get a boob job, if you have a small booty which makes you cringe once you stare on the mirror get a butt lift, if your lips are small get some injections, if you don’t like your pear body shape change it into an hourglass with a wasp like waist. It still baffles me of how a woman will have a child and go home from the hospital with a flat stomach something that I have not seeing amongst those who are close in my circle and have given birth but now I understand what happens.
As I listen to this conversations between the client and doctor it makes me think of how women feel the intense pressure today to be beautiful especially in this era of social media whereby you are greeted with perfect bodies which have become the perfect benchmark for beauty. Everything is always glittering and polished to perfection and many women have opted to follow suit in order for them to ‘fit in’. Just have a look at the Kardashians: perfect faces, wide hips, full breasts and flat stomachs that are admired by so many women across the world and this influences one to either change or accept their bodies but most opt for change. Younger generations have starved themselves while some have butchered in order to meet this beauty standards.
Who set the standards for beauty? Why is being a particular size, color and shape desirable? It so sad that women have been subjected to standards of beauty that have led to self-hate , body mutilations, eating disorders and some have botched themselves while trying to achieve this “so called beauty standards”. (You can watch Botched and see how some surgeries end up going wrong and causing more harm than good). Why would one kill themselves trying to achieve this beauty ideals?
When I was growing up I was told that a flashing smile was a surer and cheaper way of appearing attractive blended with a decent costume plus simplicity but I have come to realize that’s not the case anymore. Being attractive means that you have to have a touch of cosmetic on you and being simple is an analogy that worked only in the past and by the way this does not apply to all.
Body modification is not something that I would advocate for and I believe we are more than what we look and we need to speak about beauty way less. It so sad to see young girls being subjected and forced to chase impossible standards as others grow having a hate relationship with their appearance. I wouldn’t judge a woman who opts for plastic surgery in order for her to feel good about herself for I have had my fair share of body insecurities and I know what it feels not to feel beautiful like the rest. If that will make her happy, let her go for it. Though it’s my hope we can all appreciate ourselves and know pictures on social media are mostly edited.
I want to apologize to all women I have called pretty before I’ve called them intelligent or brave. I am sorry I made it sound as though something as simple as what you were born with is the most you have to be proud of when your spirit has crushed mountains. From now on I will say things like, you are resilient or you are extra-ordinary not because I think you are pretty but because you are more than that.- Rupi Kapur.
Is it worth it to go to this extent in order to feel beautiful?!
For the past one month my fears and worries have long held me at bay to a point of my body is being denied its purpose because of the fear of failing you yet you’ve done so much for me.
It’s only because of you I exist in this phase of the earth, Because of you people know me and have a friend like me, Because of you I know what it is like to be loved, appreciated and cared for, You have been there for me since the first day, In times of joy and sorrow, You have held my hand while going through my tough times.
Because of you I have been able to have a good life for you have strived day and night to make ends meet, Because of you I have siblings who lighten up my world, Because of you I look forward to tomorrow, Your inspiring words give me the motivation to move on with life, And I will always be grateful to you.
Because of you I have the greatest gift, The greatest gift of all, LIFE.
How can all this ever be repaid?
Times and times I have failed you, I have not been the perfect daughter and several times I have disappointed you, And in those times I have cried liters, And I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, But how I live each day to make it up to you and make you proud of me. I doubt whether I have made you enjoy the fruits of parenting like the other parents but I hope someday you will and may you live long to experience it.
I am sorry, I have failed you again,
I am extremely ashamed too and disappointed in myself, I know I have not performed to your complete satisfaction several times and I hope you know it’s not because I did not try and you can be rest assured I did the best I could but still the outcome was failure. That is all I have to say and I do not know what the future has in store for me but I leave all the rest to my heavenly father.
Yester night I was having a conversation with my close friend on how the dating scene no longer fascinates me and slowly by slowly I have been losing its luster and instead finding joy in embracing singlehood. I have dated some guys but I’ve never had a relationship with either but I don’t have regrets for I’ve bagged lessons which I’ve carried forward.
Dating- derived from the idea ‘set a date’ where two people agree to get together at a certain place and time for recreation and fellowship.
There is this illusion that has been designed by movie makers and book sellers about dating which I have come to realize it’s unrealistic for it does not exist in reality. I have come to realize it’s very difficult to find the perfect partner for it requires effort and real love is not something that one falls into but it’s something that has to be molded in order to blossom like a flower.
I dislike the dating scene because nowadays people have become so fake by camouflaging their real selves and selling a different narrative about who they really are in order to be acceptable to the other party. I am not a saint for I’m guilty about this and I tried so hard to sell something I was not but it got to that point I gave it up for it was tiring. (I lied how I loved night parties and the guy kept on inviting me but I finally came clean. This is a small lie but there are huge ones that are insane). Lying has become so common that it becomes so difficult to know what kind of a person you are really dealing with. There are people who are evil but they paint themselves to be good and it is really scaring for I have seen people fall into the hands of abusers and murderers yet there were no signs from the start.
When in the dating scene, there are guys who have felt entitled to my time and whenever I am unavailable physically or via text or call, they start being angry for no reason yet there is no contract that I’ve signed I have to be available whenever needed. I really dislike when a guy is on my neck all the time and they do not give me an opportunity to catch a breather or even be the one who is also reaching out. This really suffocates me especially when my feelings are different to theirs or there isn’t a connection.
There are some people who want the microwave speed in the dating scene and they are in for the pleasure but not to get a life-time connection. They always want to take the short route and play foul that is only by getting physical they can achieve a connection which is a lie. I am a firm believer of taking things slow by slow for I believe there is a richness in true friendship.
In dating one tends to overshare their business which is something I’m tired of doing. I have once gotten to that point where I’ve become comfortable plus relaxed in the presence of the son of Adam and I have shared information that has always been under the rocks. Only for us to end up going separate ways and him departing with my secrets that I overshared for I thought probably he would be in here for the long haul. I wish I could find him and take back the things that I shared for probably now its gossip going round. Last week I met this gentleman whom we exchanged numbers only for him to ask me, to tell him WHO I am a.k.a describe myself. I kindly told him, he should figure that out by himself. I am tired of being in this interviews and I have no energy to share what my life entails about yet the organization cannot meet my demands.
Dating can distract someone from focusing on themselves and end up being consumed by the needs of the other party. I have been here before where I shifted my focus from the important things for I was easily distracted by this son of Adam.
This are some of the reasons but the REAL one is that, I am in the process on self-development and building my relationship with God. Or probably I am tired of meeting guys whom we don’t have a connection at all and I’ve taken it as a sign to put away dating for the time being.
It has been a while since I have jotted something down for almost a month because I have been too occupied attending to my thoughts and trying to attain an equilibrium of mental stability. I have this tendency of worrying too much especially when I am waiting for the unknown and it takes time before my mind calms down (It resembles the volcanic mountains when they are about to erupt and cannot be contained).Recently there is this milestone that I have been looking forward to marking but the ocean currents have been too strong making it impossible to navigate through and I have ended up being submerged into the deep. I will stop getting too attached to my expectations because they leave me in a detrimental state whenever they turn out to be the exact opposite and it takes time before I recuperate from the outcome.
I’ve been in this wilderness for quite a while and I have been eager to leave but lately I have been thinking probably Egypt may not have been a bad idea from the start, for Canaan now appears to be a destination that is farfetched. I wonder what was going on in the minds of the Israelites while they were in this desert but one thing I know is that God kept watch on them and He was going to take them to the Promised Land, so I believe He is with me.
I always keep tabs on my mental wellbeing and it came to my realization how recently I was trailing on a very destructive road which was slowly leading me to an ugly destination therefore I had to do something about it. I was in that state where I couldn’t do anything of substance and I would spend the entire day in the streets of social media which would make the day shorter but the reality was the fact that I was running from something and I was scared to come into terms with it. There is this series of habits that I tend to fall back into when I am not doing well mentally, social media being one of them then follows lack of an appetite, unhealthy sleeping patterns, staying indoors, pushing people away and a lack of energy to do stuff.
It was time to address what was going on and not be too hard on myself. I had now to force myself unwillingly to go back to the right path of my authentic self which has been difficult but slowly by slowly I am almost getting back in the right lane. As someone whose mental is fragile, it is important to always remind myself every day to breathe and relax. I have turned to doing meditation which has been of importance and has enabled me to keep in touch with my inner self even though my concentration levels have always been low but I do try. I have turned back to my source of help, my Heavenly Father seeking for guidance and strength to endure the difficult periods in my life and I have felt Him offer comfort.
It has never been easy but I am proud that I’m handling things better than I thought I would have and I’m pushing on.
After being in a deep state of thought, she slowly got up and walked towards the mirror where she caught a glimpse of her disarrayed long black hair, the bruises of passion that were all over her body, the bags underneath the eyes, red lips which were fuller than usual and shame immediately enveloped her.
She blinked back the tears that were now piling up against her eyelashes fighting her misgivings thinking of the fact that there might be another sharing his affections. With jaws clenched, arms folded she sat and paused to replay last night’s events reliving the memories of the past years which they had shared together. It had been 5 years since they had seen each other and she had made a decision to walk away after the gruesome betrayal by being with another.
Through her dedication, sheer determination, alone she had built a life of her own and untethered the threads that had bound her to him 5 years ago but here she was back into his arms after bumping into him a week ago. Just when she had started to reach a sense of closure and moving on from the betrayal, the universe decided to avail him to her probably to indicate what they had was not meant to end. The air between them was charged with something she had never felt anywhere else and was drawn to him hopelessly just like when she was a teenager.
A single night had somehow made up for the self-imposed celibacy of 5 years by the one who had impaled a dagger of pain in her heart rendering her incapable of trusting another in her orbit. Tears of regret tingled her eyes knowing that the wall that had been built around her heart was now rocking to its foundation. The protective shell built, last night he had succeeded in smashing it and now she was a wounded animal, deeply hurt and afraid.
Her cries were no longer silent which awakened him from his state of sleep and he knew very well he was the cause of it and guilt took over him. He sat beside her, enveloped his arms around her trembling and unresisting figure, stroking her hair till she calmed down. He whispered “Don’t you know you are the only woman in the world for me. It’s always been you and there will never be another except you. I love you and you’ve never slipped my mind for 1825 days. Just give me another chance.
There was silence, she lay in his arms and could no longer go on fighting her feelings for him. Uncertain she was about the future but today she would live in the moment not caring what will unfold tomorrow.
Work of fiction.
From when the walls come down, then love takes over and it no longer matters what is possible or impossible, it doesn’t even matter whether we can keep the loved one at our side. To love is to lose control. Love doesn’t need to be discussed, it has its own voice and speaks out for itself. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days or years. – Paulo Coelho, By the river piedra I sat down and wept. (I love this book).
I wrote this after Valentines day. Last week my friend had posted a picture of him with the caption, “End of the men’s conference” (which is imaginary) and I was eager know the kind of discussion that went on in his head and the final conclusion. If there were men who posted of attending the men’s conference and them being part of the stingy men’s association (you’re not stingy you are BROKE) this is what you need to know about them. This are sad men, low life’s, dimwits who have been rejected several times, have esteem issues, have no physical charm and get ahead of themselves ( Dude just be humble, you are very plain) and have 1000 issues going on in their lives and that is why they cannot celebrate love and make fun of the real men who do. Just look closely ladies. Real MEN were posting “it has not happened this year but I’m hopeful in 2022 it will” and they were truly positive while others went low-key and this breed was all over social media throwing shade.
My friend went ahead to brief me the nonsense that he had made up in his mind and I truly understood why he was a single man. Let me summarize it: •Hakuna kutuma fare (No sending fare) •Hakuna kuingia jikoni unless girlfriend unampeleka bedroom ( no man should get into the kitchen unless he is later taking her to the bedroom) •Hakuna kulipa dowry kabla hajapata ball (No paying the dowry before the lady gets pregnant)
First of all I don’t know where ladies garner the courage of asking for fare to go meet up with a guy for my pride cannot allow me to and if he sends voluntarily I will just send it back and tell him to stop disrespecting me. Have you heard that I cannot afford transport cost to come meet you? (My bank is wanting by the way). The agenda behind sending the fare is in question and I expect clarification of the fact that you do not expect anything in return, well I don’t expect clarification for I meet only in public. Any guy who sends fare is stupid. In my view if someone is not willing to incur costs to come see you then you are just an empty debe/drum (Nothing good can come from you) who can’t attract any woman genuinely and you have to use money to get to them. Don’t you realize you have a problem? In conclusion probably this women ask for fare because they are going to give services and they are in a give and take situation. Well I have never asked for fare and I don’t think I will unless I’m travelling miles away. I have never been sent fare to go meet a man but I have been given fare to take me back home which I have openly received.
The 2nd one was very insensitive and I will not write about it today and I’m unsure if I’ll be call him my friend again after he made such a unpleasant comment about a woman. I totally agree with his first point though.
Beware of men calling you through the bedroom window. A well intentioned suitor will come through the front door and engage the family patriarch to discuss the dowry
I went ahead to tell the guy that no man should access the chambers unless he has paid the dowry, put a ring on it or heavily invested to a point you can’t look back.( But sis you owe him nothing, the only thing you do is his money furthermore you never asked him to invest). My friend went ahead to state that we are in the 21st century so I should stop reasoning as though I’m in the 18th century and that young men do not have enough wealth to pay the bride price and what’s important is to know the girls family. (I will not allow the western culture to erase my African Heritage beliefs and I’m okay with being labelled that).
He went ahead to say that along the way that’s when he would pay the dowry. I find this to be very shameless of him to say considering the fact that this woman is leaving her home to go and become his wife “a man’s upper servant” yet even the smallest gesture of appreciation to the family he is unwilling to do it. If you can’t afford to do such a thing that means you are incapable of taking care of your family.
I saw where he was coming from but there is a danger to it for I don’t like roads that begin at the corner. There is no price tag that can be befitting to someone’s existence so just an appreciation is a good kick start. Before a man walks into a woman’s life he should have: God, Job, savings account, checking account and a home for he needs these things to provide for his family if he is talking about marriage. Don’t get pregnant for a man who is incapable of showing appreciation.
The payment of bride wealth by the groom’s family seals an allegiance between unrelated families and they become one and the last act is that the two love birds take blessings from the parents with them.
Men should take the right route just like this men in the bible. Read 1st Samuel 18:23 – when Saul’s men said these things to David, he replied, “how can a poor man from a humble background family afford the bride price for the daughter of a king. 24. When Saul’s men reported this back to the king, 25. He told them, “tell David that all I want for the bride price is 100 philistines’ foreskins….then David fulfilled the king’s requirement by presenting all their foreskins to him. So Saul gave Michal to David as his wife. Genesis 29. Jacob was willing to work for 7 years in order for him to marry Racheal. Jacob’s dowry was not a material possession for he had none to offer instead he agreed to work for 7 years for Laban. The most important goals and desires are worth working for. Genesis 24- the story of Isaac and Rebecca. Let me stop it at here.
All the men who took part in the men’s conference nonsense all come from the same stupid school of thoughts and the stingy men association it’s my prayer that the day comes sooner and you will no longer be broke.
Hope this finds you well for it’s time to get this off my chest. I have learnt to never settle for less than the best which is what I deserve. I was never in any serious relationship with this men but I had a liking towards them but not romantically. I’ve been in love with someone that didn’t love me back, and I’ve been loved by someone that I didn’t love back. I don’t know which is worse: to be broken or to break another soul?
Dear Brian, I met you while I was still in high school and I vividly remember how our paths did cross each other on one Sunday afternoon as I was coming out of the shop while you were from church. You were behind me (probably admiring my tiny ass) as I walked with a bag in my hand and I was distracted with this s**y voice saying “Excuse me, umeangusha 50 bob”. I looked down only for you to say it’s a lie and a beautiful laugh emanated from you which I laughed along to. Immediately you introduced yourself and your voice was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard coming from a man (smooth plus gentle) and I must admit it made my heart skip a bit. We walked together and got to know each other and by then you were a student in Strathmore University pursuing Information Technology. I got to know that you were also a church leader and within the 15 minutes we walked I got to laugh and truly enjoyed your company and I gave you my digits for I desired to be in your presence again.
Immediately we would chat in the middle of the night and you’d tell me all the sweet words that I was desperate to hear (they would make me jump in my room) and days later our conversations became all sexual. I was naïve by then and I started learning new things that I didn’t know about and it was because of you. You’d tell me from your side how the heat was in containable and your messages were nasty to a point I was disgusted and had to tell you to stop it. (I might have been young but there are things I couldn’t entertain). You apologized and you surely did stop it but our conversations dwindled as days went by. I went back to school and during mid-term I’d text you and other days tell my friends who would go home in between the term to say hi to you.
I finished high school and you were the only friend I knew who was in campus and I surely wanted to get to hear from you about your experience since that was my next chapter. I wanted us to meet but I got bored with how insecure you were with yourself. I looked like a dummy myself(with high school fat, big burst, protruding belly) but I didn’t care and each day you’d talk of how you were short, had a pimpled face and you looked down on yourself even after I told you, I appreciated how you were. No one is perfect and I do not judge people by their appearance but the content they have in them. The day we had agreed to meet, you decided to switch off your phone and it annoyed me to the core. You were a pure soul but afterwards I started seeing your insecurities and started viewing you just like you did.
You tried to reach out for a few months but I quickly told you I had moved on which was a lie. You were an amazing human being but I wished you’d not look down on yourself for there was so much potential in you. There was so much goodness in you but I couldn’t date a man who kept on singing about his insecurities and I’m sorry about that. I have mine but I present myself out there very confidently and I would have expected you to do the same. Hope you are now in a great space.
With Love,From Leah.
Dear Kevin, Why were you boring? How we met is not that interesting but let me just talk about it. It was right after high school around May when I joined this university for computer classes then you came in one month later and the lecturer requested that I should lend you my book so you can copy the notes and that’s how I got to know you. For the rest of the months we were just classmates since we never got to interact closely so I wouldn’t say we were friends.
After we completed the computer classes that’s when you decided to take my number from the whatsapp group and text which I found really annoying for all along, we did vibe but never did you ask for my number only for you to say you thought I was in a relationship. You just assumed and never asked. (This is why some guys remain bachelors) .Anyway, I did let that go and I thought probably I was petty. (I am the queen of pettiness). This is where you began pouring your heart out of how you had a crush on me (it doesn’t get me by surprise, I’m so used to this) and trying to shoot weak shots which died before they got to me. I was patient because if there is one thing I have learnt is to accommodate people as long as they are respectful and know their position. We kept the wheel rolling as friends with the boring conversations but I tried to spice them up therefore it gave me the opportunity to enjoy being the king of the jungle. I would roar and you would obey for I was now the commander in chief and it’s a role I played perfectly.
I had just turned 18 years old and having read uncountable romantic novels in the wattpadd application, I felt that it was time to make what I was reading my reality and you were the first to come in thought (I like brown skin guys and that’s why I did consider you). I never saw you being part of my future but in my mind I felt it was right if I did it with you(to do away with it) and at that point in time I had no conviction just a teenager who wanted to live life. I never made it obvious and never did you read the signs and when I look back I’m so grateful that your eyes were shut in that period I got to know you, because probably I’d be looking back and having a trail of guilt plus shame.
I hated the only constructive conversation we would have was how beautiful I am and how you intend to spend the rest of my life with me.(I’d roll my eyes for I couldn’t imagine it). I hated how you would apologize all the time for small things such as not replying in time and forgetting to profess your love. I would open your text and immediately I would be on the verge of going into a comma (the same old nonsense) and that is how I became the queen of blue ticks till date.
Why did I hang around? You were going through so much with your parents’ divorce and I did not want to be the salt in the wound causing it to bleed further. Each day you became obsessed with me and I decided to end the dramatic and boring ‘situation ship’ we had (for my initial plan didn’t prevail) for you added nothing to my life experience and all you did was take, take and take yet you never did give. Imagine I do not have any memories of joy with you all I have is boredom. I am even bored while writing about you.
I still remember when you called while sobbing in the middle of the night and threatened to commit suicide because I said I did not want to be your girlfriend. Why would you do that? I was in a state of shock just begging you to reconsider your decision and almost went mad. I decided to delete your number and never heard anything from you until 3 years later in 2019 but I kept in contact with your cousin who told me of your progress. You were still boring (OMG) thought that you’d have changed. You gave me a chance to select where you’d want us to meet and I did the honors (I still wanted to confirm if this is the guy that almost ruined my life by threatening to leave a letter that I was the cause of what he wanted to do) and when we met up you delayed by 20 minutes. I was very angry and that is why once we got in the restaurant I decided to order the most expensive food while you drank a cup of coffee and I would see the veins of anger in your face but I didn’t care for I couldn’t take cheap food and be a part of a boring conversation. Anyway, all the best in your life but you need to up your game.
Moses You are such a disgrace to the originator of that name. I am ashamed to have even crossed paths with you and if I saw you again I would just pretend I don’t know you. I’m glad nothing ever happened between us for you loved your alcohol more and you hugged it tight.
Dear Edwin, You are indeed a beautiful soul and whoever will find you will be lucky plus it’s my hope you found happiness and someone to explore life with. I really enjoyed your company. I will go back to how I got to meet you. It was one evening as I was having a conversation with my friend who informed me that she had a cousin who happened to be single and was looking for ‘somebody’ and she felt that I was the right candidate. I decided why not give it a shot furthermore I was single but had no plan of being a part of something serious for I felt my puzzle was not complete. (I was going through a tough period in my life).
We kicked it off with whatsapp conversations that would go past midnight and I must say you were interesting just like your life was and this got me hooked to the phone. I kept on postponing our meet up and one day accompanied by your cousin we finally got to meet and sincerely speaking I did not like what I saw but your beautiful plus pure soul made me overlook that. We enjoyed the day and we kept the wheel rolling with endless phone calls and texts and my cheeks would hurt from smiling. I remember our second date was in the movie theatre (garden city) where we were only four people and that’s where you decided to blow me a kiss and my lips which had been in dry spell season for ages were very receptive. Afterwards we ate and later went to watch the sky which was adorned with numerous stars plus the moon, which fascinated you and till date I never understood your magnetism towards them. As we started getting to know each other the more you became vulnerable and I realized how much of a broken guy you were. I would call and your shaky voice would answer and I’d know you were on the verge of tears something that would break my heart. I have always felt the responsibility towards people who are broken and be there for them then try to fix them. You were in one of the prestigious universities here in Kenya and I did advice you to go see a counsellor to help you and give advice for your case was not to be taken lightly. The fact that you kept on talking about death really scared me.
We met several times later and our connection continued getting deeper while I started being cautious of the route that we were heading to. I realized how I was your route to happiness but things started getting heated and I had already made a line on the ground with my 6 inch high stiletto which we were not going to go beyond. We would play all the games but I tried so hard not to get close to that line because my intention was to make you a wolf howling at a moon you’d never have which you eventually became.
We were two different people and I knew somehow if I got into the ocean of love there are things I’d have to compromise which I was unwilling to do. I wanted you to make a small act of faith in my direction and probably the greatest barrier would fall bit by bit. You were an atheist while I was a Christian who was drawing closer to God, you were an alcoholic while I was a soberer, you were short while I was almost piercing the sky, you were a softie while I was hardcore, you were living the life of the party while I was an established homebody and many more differences that I’d do the equation and I did not need a calculator to get the answer. I had no idea how I would tell you but there was need to stop this game because one of us would come out of the field totally wounded. I never told you anything but our communication started fading away which was my joy and that is how it ended up.
One year later we re-united after I reached out because your cousin informed me you’d kept on asking about me. I did not know I had made a huge mistake because you now thought and was hopeful something beautiful would come out of this, this time round but I had to make it clear from the word go. You were heartbroken but I had no choice. I knew that another person could do well where I might had done harm, could have helped but not hurt could be your peace and comfort. All the best. From Leah.
There are others in between but I don’t intend on wasting time writing about them. I decided to write this after reading letters of women narrating why they were cheating on their husbands (Don’t joke with women)and since I don’t have a lover I decided to write letters to this men as to why I never dated them. I’m so selective and I wonder is there something wrong with me. Imagine this guys are in relationships and one already is a father,!!1like how!!!!