It has been a while since I have jotted something down for almost a month because I have been too occupied attending to my thoughts and trying to attain an equilibrium of mental stability. I have this tendency of worrying too much especially when I am waiting for the unknown and it takes time before my mind calms down (It resembles the volcanic mountains when they are about to erupt and cannot be contained).Recently there is this milestone that I have been looking forward to marking but the ocean currents have been too strong making it impossible to navigate through and I have ended up being submerged into the deep. I will stop getting too attached to my expectations because they leave me in a detrimental state whenever they turn out to be the exact opposite and it takes time before I recuperate from the outcome.
I’ve been in this wilderness for quite a while and I have been eager to leave but lately I have been thinking probably Egypt may not have been a bad idea from the start, for Canaan now appears to be a destination that is farfetched. I wonder what was going on in the minds of the Israelites while they were in this desert but one thing I know is that God kept watch on them and He was going to take them to the Promised Land, so I believe He is with me.
I always keep tabs on my mental wellbeing and it came to my realization how recently I was trailing on a very destructive road which was slowly leading me to an ugly destination therefore I had to do something about it. I was in that state where I couldn’t do anything of substance and I would spend the entire day in the streets of social media which would make the day shorter but the reality was the fact that I was running from something and I was scared to come into terms with it. There is this series of habits that I tend to fall back into when I am not doing well mentally, social media being one of them then follows lack of an appetite, unhealthy sleeping patterns, staying indoors, pushing people away and a lack of energy to do stuff.
It was time to address what was going on and not be too hard on myself. I had now to force myself unwillingly to go back to the right path of my authentic self which has been difficult but slowly by slowly I am almost getting back in the right lane.
As someone whose mental is fragile, it is important to always remind myself every day to breathe and relax. I have turned to doing meditation which has been of importance and has enabled me to keep in touch with my inner self even though my concentration levels have always been low but I do try. I have turned back to my source of help, my Heavenly Father seeking for guidance and strength to endure the difficult periods in my life and I have felt Him offer comfort.
It has never been easy but I am proud that I’m handling things better than I thought I would have and I’m pushing on.