What happened to this: meet a man, get to know him (date), let him propose, then marriage, enjoy it and down the line have some kids. Nowadays this concept has become foreign to many women for they are opting to start at the corner of the road with the aim of getting to the predestined destination whereby the law recognizes her but woe unto her, for it rarely happens. We are no longer viewing dating as a process but instead we are taking it as the conclusion. We are willing to move in with a man yet he hasn’t shown any signs of commitment and by signs I mean, engaging you in preparation for marriage. I have been watching several reality shows such as WAGS whereby this women choose to move in with this men even before they have been given the title fiancé, go ahead to sire heirs for them then after several months/years they start to demand for a ring plus marriage. It actually never ends well for this men go ahead to claim marriage is just a piece of paper. (Is it?) This reply leaves so many women bitter while some give ultimatums and the famous statements comes into play, “after all that I have done for you. I have supported you, sired kids for you, and been with you when you had nothing, taken care of you yet you are now making me seem like a fool.”
I understand where this women are coming from for they perform this duties in the hope that the man will select them and this is where women go wrong. We forget that we are the ones who have power because after all who is pursuing who? We are the prize and not this men yet we are here giving them everything when there isn’t a label on it. Why are we giving this men more than they have bargained for? Busy cooking for them, doing laundry, siring kids and almost breaking our backs trying to prove that we are wife materials. According to my favourite author Joan Thatiah, Any man who makes demands that you should prove you can make a good wife should be thrown out of the window. A steady dating relationship should be enough to show a man the kind of women you are.
Nowadays this men are not even asking us because we have become too available and they already know what they want they can get it without any struggle. That is why I get some men talking of how they’d want to settle with me and spoil me (laughs) yet when I talk of how I want legal assurance they end up labelling me insane. I don’t know about other women but I don’t think I would live with a man who has not at least done the traditional ceremony for me if not the white one. I wouldn’t imagine myself waking up early in the morning to make breakfast, do laundry or even go ahead to have kids yet he has not put a label on what we have. I can’t, it’s even getting on my nerves. I can’t break my back.
I know this is arguable for there are some men who married the women whom they had cohabitated with and even sired kids. They were lucky but if anyone chooses to take that route, don’t be surprised when he downplays it and goes ahead to ask, what the point of marriage is. Back in campus I saw most of my friends live with men but most of those relationships are nonexistent. Men are out here looking for their best interests and don’t care about anyone else and if they find anyone who is willing to play wife, they will take them in and once they are satisfied they disappear. Don’t give out precious young years doing roles that are meant for wives. As a girlfriend all you should be doing is having fun, going on dates, planning for the future, working hard and the rest of the good things not being bombarded with wifely duties. Let no man receive any privileges if you are not EXCLUSIVE.
Young ladies should stop performing the role of a wife because some of this men get comfortable and therefore lack the enthusiasm towards marriage. If you are bedding him, feeding him, cleaning up after him and raising his babies, what will be his motivation to put a ring on it?. Most of this men expect wife treatment when dating while looking out for something better and when they find it, they chuck. They go for women with high standards and who have accorded themselves value.
It’s high time for us as women to have standards and know that we have the power to set the bar as to how we want to be treated. Life has so many sufferings but too often we are suffering unnecessarily because of our ignorance.
Do not play wife to a man who has not married you. Do not move in with him. It doesn’t matter what he promised, wait for a commitment. If your man wants a wife then he will ask for your father for your hand in marriage, he will engage you and he will marry you. On the flip side, stop demanding husband favours from boyfriend’s. _Joan Thatiah from the book: Things I will tell my daughter.
This are my thoughts and no one should subscribe to them but if you do, we are friends.